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The Rise of "Gray Divorce" and Why Older Adults Are Choosing to Split Up

12/4/2024

An estimated 1 in 4 divorces now occur among couples over 50. The phenomenon of Gray divorce represents a significant shift in how society views marriage, aging, and personal fulfilment.

Emily Faye Robinson: Attorney and Mediator Emily graduated from UC Hastings College of the Law and is a certified mediator. Prior to that, Emily attended UC Santa Barbara, where she graduated with a B.A. in Psychology and a B.A. in Communication. She is appointed by the Los Angeles Superior Court to represent children in contested custody cases as minor’s counsel.

The term “gray divorce” has emerged in recent decades to describe a growing demographic trend: the increasing divorce rate among couples 50 and older. While overall divorce rates have stabilized or declined in many age groups, divorces among older adults have more than doubled since 1990, with the rate rising from 5 divorces per 1,000 married persons to 10 per 1,000 by 2015, according to Pew Research Center data. This surge represents an estimated 1 in 4 divorces now occurring among couples over 50.

The phenomenon of gray divorce represents a significant shift in how society views marriage, aging, and personal fulfilment. Baby boomers, who pioneered many social changes throughout their lives, are again reshaping cultural norms by challenging the traditional notion that marriage is forever. Studies show that approximately 25% of divorces in 2021 involved couples married for over 20 years. Several factors contribute to this trend. Today's older adults are generally healthier, with average life expectancy increasing from 69.7 years in 1960 to 79.1 years in 2022. They're also more financially independent than previous generations, with 55% of baby boomer women participating in the labor force compared to just 34% of their mothers’ generation. With potentially 20-30 years of life ahead after retirement, many are unwilling to remain in unsatisfying relationships. Research indicates that 76% of gray divorces are initiated by women, who often have their own careers and pension plans.

Gray divorce presents distinct challenges that younger couples typically don't face. Financial implications can be particularly severe. Retirement accounts must often be split, leaving each party with significantly reduced savings. Couples also face the issue of paying for college for their adult children, among other expenses they had hoped to cover. Additionally, when one party has not worked, s/he faces the challenge of divorce with no ability or prospect of starting a career at this life stage. Despite these challenges, many who experience Gray divorce report positive outcomes. According to a 2019 AARP survey, 76% of women and 67% of men report being happier after their divorce.

Research suggests that women, in particular, often find new independence and satisfaction, with 65% reporting improved emotional well-being within three years of separation.

For those contemplating Gray divorce, I recommend careful consideration of several factors:

• Financial Planning: Consulting both financial advisors and family law attorneys specializing in later life separation is crucial.

• Health Insurance: Those under 65 must plan for healthcare coverage, especially if they've been covered under a spouse's plan.

• Housing: Decisions about the family home should balance emotional attachment with practical considerations. Because of the later stage of life involved, housing can take on an outsized role in your quality of life.

• Adult Children: Even though there is no obligation to provide for adult children, many parents want to do so and need to come up with agreements to cover these expenses.

Gray divorce, while challenging, reflects broader societal changes in how we view aging, relationships, and personal fulfilment. As life expectancy increases and social norms continue to evolve, the decision to divorce later in life may become increasingly common.

Current projections suggest the number of Gray divorces could increase by 35% by 2030, driven by changing attitudes and demographic shifts.

For many, Gray divorce is not an ending but a new beginning—a chance to craft the next chapter of life with the clarity, wisdom, and experience gained over the years. However, starting this journey calls for thoughtful planning and a clear-eyed approach.

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The Crucial Role of Minor's Counsel in Family Law

11/7/2024

Minor's counsel holds a unique position within the legal system. Unlike attorneys who represent parents or other parties, we are appointed by the court to champion the best interests of the child. This role is pivotal in ensuring that the child's voice is not lost in the cacophony of legal disputes and their needs are given the utmost priority.

In the complex world of family law, one often overlooked yet vital role is that of minor's counsel. As an attorney who has dedicated much of my career to this field, I've seen firsthand the profound impact this position can have on the lives of children caught in the crossfire of legal disputes.
My journey in family law began in 2007, initially focusing on general practice. However, as I delved deeper into custody cases, I realized that the most vulnerable parties—the children— often lacked a strong advocate. This realization prompted me to shift my focus to serving as minor's counsel, a decision that has shaped my career and, I believe, made a significant difference in many young lives.

Minor's counsel holds a unique position within the legal system. Unlike attorneys who represent parents or other parties, we are appointed by the court to champion the best interests of the child. This role is pivotal in ensuring that the child's voice is not lost in the cacophony of legal disputes and their needs are given the utmost priority.

According to the California Rules of Court, our primary duty is to gather and present evidence pertaining to the child's best interests. This involves interviewing the child in a safe, comfortable environment; reviewing all relevant court files and records; consulting with teachers, health care providers, and other professionals involved in the child's life; and conducting thorough investigations to uncover any factors affecting the child's well-being.

One of our biggest challenges is the need for more clarity about our role. Many assume we simply relay the child's wishes to the court or that we favor one parent over another. In reality, our job is far more nuanced. We must balance the child's expressed desires with what we determine to be in their best interest. We remain neutral, focusing solely on the child's well-being rather than aligning with either parent. We do not testify in court but rather advocate based on our investigations and professional judgment.

Serving as a minor's counsel requires a unique skill set. Beyond legal expertise, we must be adept at communicating with children of various ages and developmental stages and recognizing signs of abuse, neglect, or parental alienation. We also have to navigate complex family dynamics and have a considerable understanding of child psychology and development.

While the work can be emotionally taxing and often under-compensated, the rewards are immeasurable. We can provide a voice for children who might otherwise be silenced in the legal process and ensure that decisions are made with the child's best interests at heart. After all, our work could potentially change the trajectory of a child's life by advocating for their needs and well-being.

This work is crucial, and yet there is an ongoing shortage of lawyers filling this role in California. We are facing an increased need within the family courts, but the number of attorneys who are qualified and willing to serve in this capacity is being outpaced. While the complex nature of this work means a significant investment of time and care, the reward for those of us who undertake this mission is deep and meaningful. I encourage other family law practitioners to consider taking steps to receiving the required training and making a difference in the lives of children who are facing what is often the most challenging time of their young lives.

As family structures evolve and legal challenges become more complex, the role of minor's counsel will only grow in importance. We must continue to refine our practices, advocate for resources, and raise awareness about the vital role we play in the family law system.

In my years of practice, I've seen how a dedicated minor's counsel can make a profound difference in a child's life. It's challenging work, often met with resistance, but it remains the most fulfilling aspect of my legal career. As we move forward, my hope is that more attorneys will recognize the value of this role and the urgent need for their participation in the crucial work of protecting our most vulnerable citizens in the courtroom and beyond.

Emily Faye Robinson practices in Los Angeles and Ventura counties. She focuses on family law and mediation. She graduated from University of California, Hastings College of the Law and is a certified mediator. She is appointed by the Los Angeles Superior Court to represent children in contested custody cases as minor's counsel.

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