The Rise of "Gray Divorce" and Why Older Adults Are Choosing to Split Up

An estimated 1 in 4 divorces now occur among couples over 50. The phenomenon of Gray divorce  represents a significant shift in how society views marriage, aging, and personal fulfilment. 

Emily Faye Robinson: Attorney and Mediator  Emily graduated from UC Hastings College of the Law and is a certified mediator. Prior to that, Emily  attended UC Santa Barbara, where she graduated with a B.A. in Psychology and a B.A. in  Communication. She is appointed by the Los Angeles Superior Court to represent children in  contested custody cases as minor’s counsel. 

The term “gray divorce” has emerged in recent decades to describe a growing demographic trend: the increasing divorce rate among couples 50 and older. While overall divorce rates have stabilized or  declined in many age groups, divorces among older adults have more than doubled since 1990, with  the rate rising from 5 divorces per 1,000 married persons to 10 per 1,000 by 2015, according to Pew  Research Center data. This surge represents an estimated 1 in 4 divorces now occurring among  couples over 50. 

The phenomenon of gray divorce represents a significant shift in how society views marriage, aging,  and personal fulfilment. Baby boomers, who pioneered many social changes throughout their lives,  are again reshaping cultural norms by challenging the traditional notion that marriage is forever. Studies show that approximately 25% of divorces in 2021 involved couples married for over 20 years.  Several factors contribute to this trend. Today's older adults are generally healthier, with average life  expectancy increasing from 69.7 years in 1960 to 79.1 years in 2022. They're also more financially  independent than previous generations, with 55% of baby boomer women participating in the labor  force compared to just 34% of their mothers’ generation. With potentially 20-30 years of life ahead  after retirement, many are unwilling to remain in unsatisfying relationships. Research indicates that  76% of gray divorces are initiated by women, who often have their own careers and pension plans. 

Gray divorce presents distinct challenges that younger couples typically don't face. Financial  implications can be particularly severe. Retirement accounts must often be split, leaving each party  with significantly reduced savings. Couples also face the issue of paying for college for their adult  children, among other expenses they had hoped to cover. Additionally, when one party has not  worked, s/he faces the challenge of divorce with no ability or prospect of starting a career at this life  stage. Despite these challenges, many who experience Gray divorce report positive outcomes. According to  a 2019 AARP survey, 76% of women and 67% of men report being happier after their divorce. 

Research suggests that women, in particular, often find new independence and satisfaction, with  65% reporting improved emotional well-being within three years of separation. 

For those contemplating Gray divorce, I recommend careful consideration of several factors: 

• Financial Planning: Consulting both financial advisors and family law attorneys specializing in later life separation is crucial. 

• Health Insurance: Those under 65 must plan for healthcare coverage, especially if they've been  covered under a spouse's plan. 

• Housing: Decisions about the family home should balance emotional attachment with practical  considerations. Because of the later stage of life involved, housing can take on an outsized role in  your quality of life. 

• Adult Children: Even though there is no obligation to provide for adult children, many parents want  to do so and need to come up with agreements to cover these expenses. 

Gray divorce, while challenging, reflects broader societal changes in how we view aging,  relationships, and personal fulfilment. As life expectancy increases and social norms continue to  evolve, the decision to divorce later in life may become increasingly common.

Current projections  suggest the number of Gray divorces could increase by 35% by 2030, driven by changing attitudes  and demographic shifts. 

​For many, Gray divorce is not an ending but a new beginning—a chance to craft the next chapter of  life with the clarity, wisdom, and experience gained over the years. However, starting this journey  calls for thoughtful planning and a clear-eyed approach.